An early present

Sunday, December 7, 2008 |

Since everyone enjoys embarrassing things from my past, I thought I would share a recently discovered gem with you all that I found while cleaning out a box of journals. I give you........

A Forced Letter To Myself about my "Plans"
By: Me
At: A Lame Young Women's Activity

Dear Me,
I have basically no plans for the future. I hope to make a lot of money. I want to marry a politician because that means I will have to have nice clothes and a big house for entertaining. If I don't get married by around 21, I'll have a high paying career of my own. I have no spiritual plans. I know I will graduate from college. I will complete my Mia Maid and Laurel awards because my mother is forcing me. I will own all of the Judith McNaught books(trashy romance novels). I will read every sequel to Gone With The Wind just to see if they can make anything worse than Scarlett with Joanne Whalley-Kilmer. These are my plans. 

Wow. I have said I was Daria in high school. Now I have proof. A money grubbing Daria. 
This letter made me bust a gut laughing. 

For anyone who knows my parents, you all are going to love this story, so prepare yourselves. 

Tonight I came home from church to see my parents sprawled on their respective couches watching a movie. I was on the phone in a totally engrossing conversation, but I did look over and think to myself "WHAT THE CRAP!!!!!!???? They are watching Old Yeller???!!!"

But then I moved along. About a half hour later my phone got disconnected(tragedy!!) and I head to kitchen to eat dinner. I sit down with my meatloaf to eat for a second before I head out and my mom asks 

Mom: " Do you want to watch Old Yeller with us- it's a really good movie!" 
Me: "Heck no. I'm heading to Porter's. And I don't feel like crying tonight."
Mom:" Have you ever seen it?"
Me: "Are you kidding?" .......crickets......" Mom- everyone gets to watch it a million times in elementary school. It's the first time you get to embarrass yourself by openly crying in front of classmates" 
Mom: "Why would you cry? It's not sad is it?"
Me(freaking out): " Are you KIDDING ME??? Have YOU seen Old Yeller??!!"
Mom: "No- it seems pretty cute so far except for all the animals getting rabies"
Me(looking at her in disbelief......then looking at my dad): "This is your fault. I want no part of this. Also- this is an episode of Friends. Goodbye"

Time passes. I go to Porter's. And we re-enter our scene........

Me: " was it? Do you blame dad?"
Dad:" I didn't remember anything about the movie but that it had a yellow dog. I was as shocked as she was."
Mom: " I've been crying. "
Me: " Yeah- I knew that plot would blindside you with all your comments about how it seemed like all the cute animals kept getting rabies. SHOCKER! Also- Dad- I personally do not believe any human can have ever seen this movie and forget that the dog dies. Not only dies- is killed by it's owners. SERIOUSLY!!! I still blame you"
Mom:" It's OK- the Parent Trap is on now. I think the girls are really gonna get the parents back together."
Me(crying on the inside): " You are seriously kidding me now."
Mom:" No- look there's sparks at that little show they're putting on."
Me: " Mom- Walt Disney apparently made these movies at just your speed. You are seriously the master of the obvious tonight. "
Mom: "You are just getting all of your mean out on me."
Me: "No- you just managed to forget the plots of movies every human breathing on the planet has already seen and can see coming in the first 10 minutes of the movie. "
Mom: " I just think I was childhood movie deprived or something." 
Me: "Mom when we went to Disneyland when I was five you told me you and Aunt Les(her twin) despised Haley Mills for stealing your chance to be Disney's golden movie children because she wasn't a legit twin. You SAW this movie. If not as a child, I watched it like 50 times too."
Mom: " Nope. I think I saw the sequel though."
Me:" The one in the 80's where Haley Mills is the mom? Yeah- I think THAT'S  how you already guessed the plot of the parent trap. " 
Dad(crying in laughter)
Mom: " I'm just gonna watch now meanies."
Me" OK."

An hour or two later............

Mom: "Oooh I love Pollyanna so far. I can't imagine why this isn't more popular."
Me: " This is another one you don't even remember renting for me I take it? "
Mom: " No. There's no way you saw all these Disney movies and I didn't. If I missed them I am sure it was because I was cooking or doing laundry or cleaning up after you all" 
Me: "I'm sure the fact that you pay no attention and talk all the time when we rent movies had nothing to do with it. It's all slave labor all the time here. " 
Mom(gestures in my direction jen's fave gesture)
Me: "Whatever. Watch your wholesome Haley Mills movie. But don't blame me if there's no kleenex in the house tomorrow. "
Mom: " Oh no!! Is this one sad too?"
Me: " You've watched like 3 movies so far in the marathon and you haven't gotten the fact that all Disney live actions from this period have a "twist" at the end???!!! I cannot help you woman" 

 So I thought I would share my revelation with you all. My mother is apparently Phoebe. This explains alot. ALOT.